Marriage

Derek Jacoby, the Boston Globe columnist wrote enthusiastically yesterday of a rally soon to take place in Washington in support of "traditional" marriage.  I am not sure they come right out and say, marriage between a man and a woman," but that's what the thing is all about.  I have no trouble with endorsing that idea, although I don't see that it has anything to do with the present day ubiquitous transformation of the relationship into legalized unions of persons of the same sex.  Legalized says it all; every citizen ought to have access to a union that is sanctioned and fostered by the laws of the federal government.  But if I were planning a march on Washington in support of traditional marriage, then I would be concentrating on that which brought the institution into being in the first place, and that is the production of children, and more broadly the continuation of the species, the support group for their elders in their decline.  Obviously the emphasis upon man and woman in the traditional definition of marriage is production of offspring, which makes childless marriages whether for convenience or the geriatric status of the bride and groom rather beside the point.  So children would be the focus of my march on Washington in support of traditional marriage because our culture has created the highest divorce rate in the world and the greatest percent of homes headed by single mothers, and the largest group of children born out  of wedlock.  These statistics are the truth that is eating at the blissful institution founded by Adam and Eve.  There has to be a giant cultural shift away from the individual and toward the collective, anathema, I know, to conservatives.  But before we even get to the issue of the moral necessity for greater social welfare there must be a radical rethinking of the individual's obligation to the group.  In marriage the children ought to be the focus, rather than the relationship of the parents.  Private happiness must give way to working on the welfare of the family, which most often translates into the increased well being of the children.  And here the notion has been lost that the children's immediate obligation is to the family.  They will not grow and mature and become better persons by their cello lessons, Little League memberships, play dates, oh, yes, those are enriching and enlarging, but it is by clearing the table, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, mowing the lawn, shopping for groceries, and as they mature cooking the meals, that children become happy, competent, and fulfilled, even if along the way there is incredible bitching and whining.  Most couples who separate and then remarry discover that the second time around is pretty much of the same old, same old; after all they are bringing their very same personalities into selection of the new situation, and those personalities probably most likely made a similar choice in the second mate.  Marriage could come back to being the biggest emotional and physical event in a person's life more than the best party ever thrown, something entered into as a way to lose oneself in a larger entity, forget self, and along the way create a group of people who maybe might be there at the end of the road with some positive support and true love.