Oh, Happy News!

I have scarcely been able to open the morning's Times, so horrifying are the accounts of the antics and remarks made by the Republican candidate for president.  Just the things he says are mind blowing, ranging from absurdities to out right frightening contraventions of everything this nation has traditionally stood for.  And dodging back and forth suggestive of an inconstancy of mind that leaves me paralyzed with fear when I realize that he is soon to be given daily briefing along with the other candidate, information he should never be privy to.  And then this morning, for a brief moment of pure joy I could turn away from the projections of one grim scenario after another to revel in the news that flossing one's teeth has probably been an exercise in futility all along.  "Studies show . . ." those happy words.  Free at last, free of the guilt.  Because I must tell you, gentle reader, I have almost never flossed.  No, my chubby, awkward, arthritic fingers tried and tried to get the string between the teeth, yes, I even went the route of torture and got a little implement that set some floss on a tension like a high wire.  Never could master it, no way, clumsy, awkward.  Gave it up years ago, straightened my shoulders, and faced another future.  I took up dental stimulators, remembering so well those early days staring moodily out of the plate glass picture window of the third floor bathroom working my gums by the hours staring down at my neighbors hustling off to work.  "You retired?" people would ask.  "What are you doing now?" Stimulating my gums most of the time," was my reply.  Those were my retirement plans.  Then I took up plastic toothpicks with feathers, and by this time my husband was retired and we sat in our lounge chairs and watched a movie both of us vigorously working those toothpick.  And then we moved to Florida and a new dentist, and although he did not detect any serious plaque he clearly was disappointed that I did not floss.  Oh, the guilt!  I took up a water pick, and he was mildly pleased with that alternative.  But today, yes, today I throw off my shackles!  No more guilt!  Gums, home free!