Married Life

Today is one of those days that tests long term marriages by revealing the strengths of two people hanging in there through thick and thin.  My husband is suffering through political troubles with the people on our condo board of which he is the unwilling president.  A very large and complicated strategy which he worked through with what he thought was the assent and encouragement of the other board members now when push comes to shove, they have rejected acting on it.  At the very same time the second applicant for buying his New York studio has been rejected by his coop board there, and since coop boards by law do not have to divulge their reasons, he who is a very cooperative take charge guy is as a complete loss.  There is some suggestion that the board there wishes to hold everything off the market to wait for the rise in prices in studios, but there is no way of knowing.  He is going mad with the anxiety of the impotent.  And none of these things improves his mood.  We had company last night and I opted to cook some veal scallopini, but he jumped in angrily determined to cook it his way which involved breading--much too heavy in my opinion.  He was angry that  I even thought to take over the kitchen, although as he often describes for twenty years I cooked his dinner every night.  But he had to have control.  That's one of those things in long term relationships, it's like therapy, and you have to play act situations and not surrender to emotions.  Tedious, made more so by the fact that he does not drink nor drug and has no way to relieve his tensions. God, thank god I am only a heavy drinker and not an alcoholic!  The pre dinner cocktail which Mommy introduced me to when I was sixteen has been a life saver.  Last night was One of those Moments--when one would prefer to be out at a restaurant rather suffering through someone proving his manhood.  We have been a couple for over twenty five years; our "anniversary" is coming up, the date commemorating the day we met since legal relationships were not allowed back then.  We met at a party---it was, indeed, a set-up--and this was so different from so many of the gays of that era who met their significant other cruising in the park or wherever gay persons could effectively hook up in a time of police control and prison sentences.  The new movie "Loving" tells the story of a white man and a black woman who ran afoul of the miscegenation laws in this country.  It's the same story but far crueler.