Questions

Nothing alarms me more than to hear a moderator at the close of a rousing, well articulated, thoughtful lecture "Now we will open the floor to questions."  He or she never adds "and please understand that if you intend to speak, do so with the volume that is customary in a large auditorium."  The average lecture goer seems to have no notion of throwing the voice across the room; the lecturer and the moderator rarely complain.  So that portion of the question and answer period degenerates into a private conversation between speaker and the questioner who indeed has often moved forward to make it still more private.  And the moderator might add: "And keep your questions focused and brief."  There are the numbers of people who do not have a question at all, but rather a variant on the innocuous "I just wanted you to know how much I liked your talk."  I am mouthing silently "who cares?"  It has all the deflating quality and stems from the same stupidity as those people who start texting at a red light and don't move on when it changes.  And there are numbers of people who simply did not understand the talk and ask questions completely off the mark or address the absolutely obvious.  When I used to lecture I grew bad tempered when the question was stupid, and was not above replying: "I can't really answer that," and looking further into the audience calling on someone else to ask a question.  Then there are those in the audience whose question is actually a mini lecture on the same subject from the questioner's point of view, a chance for this selfish bore (who would never ever be asked anywhere to give a lecture!) to offer an opinion in detail and at length, ending of course in a question so as to legitimate the dreadful imposition.  There was once a professor famous for doing this at the end of every lecture or seminar he attended.  Good Lord, he was pompous!  I wonder if he is still alive.  In any case, he was subject to one of the greatest putdowns of all time.  It was out in the West Coast and an elderly, very renowned, professor, an immigrant into the States from Germany at the time of the Third Reich, was slated to give what he announced would be his last  lecture.  Everyone who could make it from everywhere was in the audience, and the old guy talked the allotted span, and there was deafening applause and the idiot moderator opened the room up for questions.  Well, this grotesque was visiting at some place on the West Coast that year so he was of course in the audience that night, and just as sure as--whatever the idiom is (I guess it is shooting, but don't want to use that anymore)--he got up, was recognized, and began a lengthy mini lecture ending finally in a question.  To this the old man responded in his heavy but beautiful German accent.  "I am an old man, I did not quite get your question, so would you please repeat what you said."  The room went wild with laughter, and the professor sat down, and the audience burst into applause and the evening was over.